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Tuesday, Sep 21, 2021

Impress your teachers without the hard work

By this point in the semester, many students are beginning to take the first tests of the school year. Upperclassmen are quite familiar with this routine by now, but what of our new freshmen? Around this time, they are starting to realize that it may have not been a good idea to skip those 9:00 AM classes. Perhaps they should have stayed at home and studied for Chemistry instead of going to that awesome party last week. While it is true that social interaction is a great thing during your college career, you must remember to take time to prepare for your actual courses.
Upon receiving less than stellar marks on papers and tests, a student may begin to ponder how to get into their professor’s good graces. One option is to show up to class and do your work, but that does not necessarily suit every student at Mercer. For some it may be too late, or they could have a horrible aversion or allergy to studying. There are cases of that, you know. Some students pass out fast asleep at the sight of a Dickens novel. They can’t help it. It’s a medical condition. These people are unable to study and must therefore seek out their teacher’s approval in another manner. This presents a problem.
There are several possible solutions to this inability to study problem, and they will be offered here in their full detail.
The first method to get into a professor’s good graces is to appear gracious. Professors love it when students are extremely gracious and complimentary.
Always compliment them. Always speak in a polite manner. Always work to stay on their good side. The technical term for this is “Brown-Nosing.” Basically, if you can find out what they like, do it.
The second method is to be helpful. Teachers love it when students volunteer to help with various things. Offer to help with extracurricular activities, help clean up the classroom. Never volunteer to answer questions though, the entire point of this after all is that you are trying to succeed while not studying.
The third thing to remember is that professors love to be showered with gifts. Don’t worry about how much it will cost. Go all out on buying the gift because, chances are, they will not be able to accept the gift. Don’t worry, it’s not because you upset them or picked a bad gift, unless you did pick a bad gift in which case shame on you. The reason that they cannot accept the gift is that they possess something known as scruples. Scruples are part of a strange thing known as “morality” and should be of no concern to you save that they can be used to your advantage.
If you succeed in these endeavors, good for you, you have an easy semester ahead. If you failed in these attempts, and are suspended or expelled, better luck next time. Sure, these methods involve a lot of time and effort, but the rewards far outweigh the costs. Of course, if this seems like a bit much, you could always just study.
Teachers seem to like it when students actually pay attention in class. For some strange reason, they actually like it when you respond to the material with insightful comments and questions.
If you are able to engage the reading and show that you put forth an actual effort to study, they will usually respond in a positive manner. If they know that you are honestly trying in the class, they may even work  with you and help you in your studies.
Teachers appreciate diligence in their students. Of course, this whole studying business isn’t for everyone.
However, it has a higher success rate than the alternatives that I have described. It’s also more legal than some of the others.

Richard Hawkins


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