Lessons in Etiquette

Q) I’m going out on a first date for dinner and a movie with a girl I’m really attracted to.  What should I do to make her feel special?

A) First of all, be yourself.  Don’t put on airs, as you will appear phony.  Second, treat her as if she is a prized possession.  When you arrive at her home, go up and ring the doorbell.  If she is living with her parents and they answer, introduce yourself and shake hands.  You should be able to make small talk while you are waiting for her.  An especially nice touch would be to bring her flowers.  When she is ready, present her with the flowers, shake hands again with her parents, and promise to bring her home at a decent hour (and keep your promise).  Walk her to the car and step ahead to open the door for her.  When she is seated, close the door, then go around and get in the driver’s side.
At the restaurant, open the car door for her and extend your hand to help her out.  Once inside, hold her chair, then sit down yourself.  Keep the conversation polite and non-controversial and practice proper dining etiquette. If she leaves the table, you should do a “half stand” (lifting your bottom off the seat and sitting right back down).  When she returns, do a “half stand” again.  Take along enough money to cover the evening’s expenses.  Discreetly pay the bill, and escort her back to the car, holding open the door for her again.
At the movies, lead your date into the theater and offer to get her refreshments.  When approaching your seats, lead her ahead of you to sit down, then sit next to her.  You should both speak in quiet voices before the movie starts and not talk during the show.  If you have cell phones, keep them turned off or on vibrate if you are expecting an important call.  Should either of you need to take a call, leave the theater and go out into the lobby.
After the movie, you may stop for a cup of coffee, but watch the time and drive your date home at a decent hour.  When you arrive at her home, help your date out of the car and walk her to the front door.  It is up to her to ask you inside or not.  Any gentleman who practices these proper dating etiquette protocols is sure to get the girl!