Opinion: Heartbroken but hopes intact after Greek recruitment

This is an opinion article. Any views expressed belong solely to the author and are not representative of The Cluster, any organizations the author is a member of or the faculty, staff or administration at Mercer University.

Panhellenic recruitment week did not go as I had initially hoped or expected. I’d heard people’s bad experiences but believed that wouldn’t be me.

I was initially skeptical of joining a sorority because of the reputation they have, especially at large schools. But after hearing advice from friends and upperclassmen, I decided to give it a try. I wanted to keep my hopes low, but I found myself thinking about the process and hoping things would work in my favor.

As the week progressed, I was drawn to the idea of finding sisterhood in a sorority. Friendships on that personal a level were something I hadn’t experienced, but had always longed for. I began to expect that this would be the place I’d find those connections. Ignoring the potential negative outcomes and thinking that things would turn out how I wanted, I expected a happy ending as a member of whichever sorority was my top choice. The reality was quite the opposite.

Day 1 - Open House

I walked into Panhellenic headquarters in the Connell Student Center and could feel the collective buzz. I met my Pi Chi, who acted as a guide through recruitment, although I was temporarily moved to a different group early in the process. I reminded myself that I could be adaptable and that each moment here would serve a purpose in the end.

To begin, I went to Phi Mu’s house and was extremely nervous because it was my first experience in recruitment, and, potentially, my future home. I could hear the girls singing to welcome us, and I got chills as I waited until it was my turn to go inside. Each girl I talked to seemed very genuine and interested in me, which made the round fly by in a blur.

After a short walk up Greek Village, I was at the door of Alpha Gamma Delta and nervously waited to go inside. In contrast to my time with Phi Mu, I felt that I struggled to connect with them. The interactions felt more like interviews than they did genuine conversations. Time passed slowly during that round, but shortly after, I was inside Alpha Delta Pi.

I was still apprehensive, but my conversations with them flowed very well and I felt comfortable with every girl I talked to. They understood me and I understood them. Perhaps that is because almost every girl I spoke with was someone I already knew for some reason or another. Again, the time flew by before heading to my last house, Chi Omega.

By this point, I knew the drill but still had nerves. The conversations I had here felt less personal because of how little time I had with each girl, so I left the house wanting to know them better and for them to know me better.

At the end of the night, the time came to decide which three houses I would like to revisit. I decided to drop Alpha Gam. Though every girl that I met there was super kind and interested in me, I struggled to connect with them. And though I didn’t get to know much about Chi O, I wanted to know more. At this point, ADPi and Phi Mu were my top choices.

Day 2 - Philanthropy

I anxiously waited a whole day to find out which houses I’d go back to, and was hopeful that I’d get my picks. However, that was not the case. My schedule for the night was: ADPi, Phi Mu and Alpha Gam. I was disappointed the list was different from what I’d hoped for, but I reminded myself that God will put me where I am meant to be. In the end, I was excited to learn about each sorority’s philanthropy and to meet more people who were hopefully my future sisters.

At my first house, ADPi, I felt very comfortable and understood as I told them how excited I was to find the friendships I had always wished for. I enjoyed hearing about their philanthropy, the Ronald McDonald House Charities, which helps families with sick or injured children stay together and access healthcare. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like they were as passionate about their cause as I’d hoped.

Next, I was back at Phi Mu. The first girl I talked with two nights before waved to me as I walked in, which made me feel special and seen. In addition to their philanthropy, the group talked about their sisterhood, which I could tell that they love. I hope to find something similar in my time at Mercer because the conversation helped me realize the power that helping others has on growing friendships.

My final house was Alpha Gam. I felt less nervous to come here because the stakes were low – I already knew how I felt about the sorority. The girls I talked to were very sweet, but I still struggled to connect with some of them. I could tell they enjoyed talking with me, but the conversations felt rehearsed. Learning about their philanthropy was different than I expected because we helped decorate paper bags for the sorority to use later on. While it was confusing to be drawing and talking at the same time, the sentiment was sweet.

At the end of the night, I felt conflicted because I loved each house and was anxious that I’d make my decision only to be let down. After talking to my Pi Chi that evening, she reminded me to trust my gut because, she said, it knows what it wants. She added that I ought to take my whole experience into account, not just that night. I went to make my selections and said a quick prayer that God would put me where I belong. And again, I dropped Alpha Gam.

Day 3 - Preference

The waiting period this time around was much harder. When the morning came, I would find out which two houses I would return to for the preference round. As the time crept by, my heart beat faster. I wanted to go back to ADPi and Phi Mu, although I knew those two options would leave me with a difficult decision later on.

Finally, the moment came. My screen lit up with a text from my Pi Chi. I opened it and saw that I’d be going back to Alpha Gam and Phi Mu. I was eager for the day, but the excitement didn’t stop me from being confused. I wondered why I wasn’t invited back to ADPi and was instead going back to Alpha Gam. When I saw my roommate later in the day, she reminded me that even though I didn’t get invited back to one house I really wanted, Phi Mu was still an option that day.

Finally, the time for the preference round came. This time, the chapters were not in their houses, but were in different areas throughout campus. I enjoyed talking to people at my first meeting, Alpha Gam, which took away most of the awkwardness that came with seeing the group outside their house for the first time. Their ceremony was very sweet, and I could tell how much it meant to each member of the chapter. Still, it didn’t feel like home to me.

I had an hour and a half break between that and my next house, so I went back to headquarters and had a snack. Some of the girls also taking a break found out that it was my birthday and told the Pi Chis. Before I knew it, they were singing to me, and I felt truly special. Soon after, it was time to go to the final house of recruitment.

As we lined up to go inside Phi Mu, the nerves hit. I wanted them to like me. I wanted them to choose me. When I walked in, I felt much calmer but was still anxious because so much was at stake. I was excited to get to talk to Dylan McCormack ‘27, who I’d spoken with at open house and had made the best impression on me! This conversation was my favorite of the week. She told me why Phi Mu brought me back for the preference round and that she saw some of herself in me. We talked about my experience throughout the week, why joining Phi Mu was the best decision for her and why she thought it would be for me, too.

Afterwards, I got to talk to someone new, which, while unexpected, was enjoyable. Emrie Lott ‘28 told me that from what others had said, she felt like she already knew me, making it easy to be honest and have in-depth conversations despite having just met her. During the ceremony, tears welled up in my eyes because I felt like I had finally found my home. As soon as I left the room, tears were streaming down my face in joy.

In my heart, I knew my decision would be easy. I talked to my Pi Chi about it, and she empathized with my situation. She told me that she had the same experience as me and explained that she put in what is called a 'suicide bid' when going through recruitment. That option is where, instead of ranking my final options like most people do, recruits put just one organization on their selection form. Both myself and my Pi Chi recognized that this was a very personal decision. She emphasized that only I could choose how to proceed with my bid, and I am grateful that she acknowledged the choice that was ahead of me while remaining impartial and fair in her position. I was incredibly nervous for the next day, but my friends assured me that everything would work out and I’d get the bid and run home to my new sisters.

Day 4 - Bid Day

I woke up to a missed call from my Pi Chi, and my heart sank. Immediately, I texted her asking if I should call her back, and she told me the news.

I didn’t receive a bid from Phi Mu.

Everything after that didn’t matter. I was devastated, tears rolled down my cheeks and as soon as she hung up, I called my dad. He knew how excited I was and how invested I had become. He and my mom comforted me over the phone, but all I could say was “I don’t understand.” I began to think of every reason that could have kept Phi Mu from choosing me.

The thoughts haven’t gone away, but neither has the belief that I’ll end up where I’m supposed to be. These thoughts often contradict each other because, until recently, I thought that where I was meant to be was in a sorority. It hurts to know that my friends get to experience things I hoped to be a part of, and somehow, it still doesn't feel real.

One night, I changed outfits multiple times, worried about not looking “right” because the comparison game going on in my head was brutal. The funny thing is that it didn’t matter. While I was complimented on each of my outfits and enjoyed seeing others’, what stood out most about the experience was the chance to appreciate other people’s character.

I know that joining a sorority is not the be-all and end-all of my college experience, though it did seem exciting. There is still so much to learn as I reflect on this experience, and despite not joining a sorority at the end, I am grateful for the experience and for the connections I made along the way. Ultimately, I’m glad that I didn’t join a sorority that I wasn’t passionate about because I’d rather face the disappointment of not being in a sorority than being dissatisfied in one.